Asra Yousuf

Book by Dan Heath and Chip Heath

With the pandemic easing out, and the new normal setting in, the wedding season is back in full swing. The last two years completely destroyed weddings, because weddings are everything that the pandemic stood against- large gatherings, travel, dining together. Now with life getting back on track, I have had the chance to attend a few of my closest friends’ weddings. These occasions have been in stark contrast to the big fat Indian weddings I have grown up attending. One was a traditional intimate Indian wedding. One involved an exchange of vows along the ocean in Santa Cruz, with close friends in witness. One is a simple yet elegant affair happening in City Hall this month, which I have the honor to officiate.

These weddings made me reflect on Dan & Chip Heath’s book which talks about the “The Power of Moments”- why moments matter and how to create moments that leave a lasting impact. Two people starting a new life together as husband and wife is an example of one of the biggest moments in anyone’s life- and how you celebrate that day has the power to build strong (or weak) foundations for the years to come.

There is a beauty in moments. You don’t remember whole experiences, but certain moments pop out whenever you look back on these experiences. You might not remember every detail of a trip, but moments like snorkeling in the ocean, finishing a hike, or catching a gorgeous sunset, remain etched in your memory. Some moments are accidental, while some are intentional. Chip and Dan Health write about how we can make life a lot of more beautiful by curating moments that last. They lay out a four step formula to how you can do so:

Elevation

When thinking about curating a moment, ask yourself what would make this moment stand out from the mundane? What would elevate this moment from the day-to-day? Some simple ways to go about it are:

• Boost Sensory Appeal: It is the floral decorations at weddings. It is the turkey on the center of the table at thanksgiving. It is live music playing in the background. Special moments bring to life all your senses and adding a bit of sensory appeal can go a long way in elevating the moment
• Raise the Stakes: Introduce competition. Get your adrenaline flowing. Win or Lose.
• Break the Script: Disrupt the routine and surprise the other person. It can be as simple as bringing flowers on a date or offering free samples or a thank you note to your regular customers.

Insight

Moments that lead to a sense of revelations are the ‘Moments of Insights’. They are the AHA moments- the ones that makes you pause and question, and reach an understanding of something on your own.

For creating moments of insights, encourage people to stretch for answers. Ask good question. A group of college professors were once asked “What is it that you want your students to remember from your class, long after they have graduated?”. In the process of completing the course syllabus, they had forgotten what their vision for their class was. This simple question led them back to the drawing board and forced them to rethink their teaching methodology and objective.

Pride

Remember the time you went on stage to receive an award or your efforts were appreciated in front of a crowd? Recognition, if done right, creates moments of pride. When getting a promotion, your manager can simply choose to inform you or he can go ahead and make a congratulatory announcement to your entire department listing down the wonderful things you did to achieve the promotion. The latter hardly takes effort but creates a moment for you to cherish.

Breaking down goals into milestones and achieving them is another way of curating a moment of pride. Apps like C25K that offer a training program for running your first 5k, break down the process into smaller milestones that give you a sense of accomplishment each time you finish a level. Moments when you exercise courage are also moments of pride since it involves stepping out of your comfort zone. It might be doing a solo trip that scares you, participating in a protest for what your stand for, or just saying yes to things you wouldn’t ideally.

Connection

Last but not the least, moments are doubly special when you share them with people. Any kind of celebration feels empty if you do not have your close friends and family around. People connect when they go through a shared struggle, which might look like going through a tough breakup together or even doing a challenging hike together.

You also build strong connections when you connect on a meaning. Groups built out of shared interest often tend to be more closely knit. Teams working on a shared vision towards a shared purpose often tend to be more successful.

Connections are also built upon how well you can listen- the way you respond to people when they open up to you. Do you validate their feelings? Do you respond in a way that shows that you care?

With this blueprint of curating lasting moments, I encourage you to think through upcoming moments in your life and question how you can make it memorable for yourself or for the people you care. When faced with a moment, challenge yourself to ask- How can I elevate it? How can this moment spark insight or pride? Can this moment offer a sense of connection? As the author rightly say, “Life is full of “form letter in an envelope” moments, waiting to be transformed into something special”.