Asra Yousuf

Book by Clayton Christensen, James Allworth, and Karen Dillon.

This is part 2 of a 3-part series on the book “How Will You Measure Your Life”. Part 1.

One of the common regrets of the dying is not having prioritized the relationships they had in life. Life often gets to us. When living one day at a time- shooting for that next promotion or planning for that next trip, we often forget to devote time and care to the many relationships in our life. Relationships can come in many forms- there are the ones that we don’t choose i.e. family, and the ones that we carefully hand-pick and foster over years i.e. friends and partners. Intentionality is the key to maintaining healthy, long- lasting relationships and Christensen talks about how we can develop the mindset to constantly work on growing and nourishing the many relationships that we build during our lifetime.

The Ticking Clock

Some investments in life simply cannot be sequenced. It is not an option to have your career and finances sorted, before you prioritize your relationships. Christensen talks about the theory of good capital and bad capital. Most startups were successful not because they had their winning strategy figured out from the very beginning. They succeeded because they had capital left over to pivot and restart, once their initial strategy failed. Similarly in life, if we tend to invest all our resources in our immediate goals- education, career, lifestyle, we will go on to realize that we aren’t left with any capital (i.e. time and effort) to rebuild the relationships we lost along the way.

Jobs to be Done

The definition of love varies from person to person. Gary Chapman came up with the theory of “love languages” to simplify certain ways in which people prefer expressing love and affection. Christensen offers an alternative lens. When approaching a relationship, ask what is your partner’s needs and what you can do to fulfill them. Often a times, we act in ways we deem fit and not in ways that your partner needs. Communication is key in understanding what is your “job to be done” in the relationship in order to keep your partner happy.

Raising Children with Experiences

It is easy to outsource many things in life today- even parenting. But as parents, your job is not just to equip your children with new skills, but it is to offer them a variety of experiences that challenge them, force them to think, allow them to fail and give them the opportunity to get back up. Think about parenting as a combination of offering resources, processes and priorities- resources like financial, educational resources allow the child to figure out what they need to achieve a goal. The processes enable them to figure out how they can apply the resources, and the priorities enable them to answer why they should be working towards the goal. Rather than focusing on good grades, start with the abilities that you wish your child to develop and then engineer opportunities that enable them to do so.

Lastly, think deeply about the culture and values you wish to imbibe in your family. What are the choices that you would want your children to make, when faced with a decision? As with everything, a family culture needs to be built intentionally and with small progressive steps. If honesty is a core family value, then every lie needs to be challenged. If being good citizens of the society is an important family culture, then experiences need to be curated that enable children to do so. To build strong, righteous adults, the journey needs to start at home.