Asra Yousuf

Memoir by Suleika Jaouad.

What do you even write about the memoir of a cancer survivor? A summary of the incredible journey they’ve been on, cannot do it justice. But as I neared the end of Suleika Jaouad’s memoir of her battle against leukemia, I was left with so many questions and thoughts. Throughout the book I caught myself questioning her emotions and reactions, only to pause and remind myself that never can I place myself in her shoes and fathom the struggle she went through.

Through her memoir, Suleika takes you on her journey starting as a young freshly-graduated college student, brimming with dreams and ambition. At the age of 22, she is diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and with the diagnosis, life takes an unexpected turn for the worse. What follows is a tragic sequence of events- chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant, chemotherapy again. In the midst of all the pain, she starts a blog to give a voice to young cancer patients who had their lives interrupted abruptly. The blog becomes a column in the New York Times and gains a huge following. And finally after years of treatment, when Suleika is ready to re-enter the normal world, she doesn’t know how to! To seek her footing and find her life again, she takes a road trip across the US- meeting the strangers who wrote to her while she was undergoing treatment. Slowly but surely she comes to terms with the life that she had so persistently fought for and won. An extremely heart-warming read, Suleika’s memoir brings forth a few interesting themes:

You are just one diagnosis away from a completely different future

It is scary how precarious life is sometimes. We all have lofty plans for the future. Going from one day to another, it is difficult to appreciate the mundane at times and just be grateful that today, you were able to walk, talk, eat, sleep like a normal person. It only takes one diagnosis to jolt you out of your carefully charted course of life and hurl you into the unknown.

Love can be unconditional

Suleika and Will were just getting to know each other when she found out about her illness. A relationship of a few months is not strong enough to survive cancer- but it did. Will moved in with her parents and later became one of her primary caregiver. He was there by her side through some of her toughest days, while balancing his own life and career. It made me wonder what is this love that is unfazed by cancer, that is patient for a better future, that doesn’t ask but only gives. It reminded me of this quote by Milan Kundera

Love is by definition an unmerited gift; being loved without meriting it is the very proof of real love. If a woman tells me: I love you because you’re intelligent, because you’re decent, because you buy me gifts, because you don’t chase women, because you do the dishes, then I’m disappointed; such love seems a rather self-interested business. How much finer it is to hear: I’m crazy about you even though you’re neither intelligent nor decent, even though you’re a liar, an egotist, a bastard

Milan Kundera

There are some journeys in life that you will have to take alone. No one else can accompany you on it.

Despite the support that Suleika had from her family and friends, she was the one who had to go through the pain and discomfort of it all. No one could, even if they tried, share the burden of her disease- both physically or emotionally. It is a weird journey where you have your favorite people around you, yet you feel completely alone, waging a battle within your own body.

Some experiences change who you are and you can never return back to the person you used to be

When you spend years in hospital rooms, undergoing chemotherapy, it is hard to remember what normal life even looks like. So when Suleika was eventually cancer-free, she had no idea how to charter the life ahead. Cancer had become part of her identity these past few years- who was she anymore without cancer?! Her road trip across the US took her on a journey to re-discover herself. She had experiences she would normally not have entertained- driving cross-country as a new driver, camping in the middle of nowhere, partaking in the hospitality of strangers, and even sitting across a prisoner on death row and listening to his story. Some experiences jolts us from our comfort zone and we are not the same person anymore.

Suleika’s memoir inspires you, makes you appreciate the life you have and gives you strength to fight your own battles. It isn’t easy to have a few years of your life snatched from you and replaced by pain and suffering.